What makes a narcissist?

For a long time, I wondered what a narcissist truly is and how a person develops into one. After years of experience living with one, I realize that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is developed in early childhood.

There are several factors that could cause a personal to develop NPD and its very complex. I will touch on a few environmental factors that could set a child up for this disorder.

Abuse (trauma) can cause a child to be arrested in their development. For example, constantly being rejected, beaten, not shown love and affection, not having their physical, spiritual and emotional needs met can cause a child to be stunted emotionally and not be able to regulate their emotions. In turn they grow up to be five years old emotionally. They become irrational and not able to connect with others or show empathy. They literally stop growing at the age of their trauma. 

Over protection of that child causing them not to be able to form their own identity. Growing up in an environment where a child is not able to have a voice or choose for themselves causes anxiety and can also cause the child to grow up as a control freak due to not being able to make certain decisions when they were younger. This can also cause other issues like anxiety disorder and codependency.

Over praise of a child can cause grandiose narcissism. When a parent over-praises a child it causes them to feel as though they are better than everyone else, the child can become very competitive and have a sense of entitlement. There is nothing wrong with healthy praise, but a child must also be told the truth when they are wrong or have room for improvement. 

This disorder can also be inherited or taught behavior. Growing up in an environment where abuse was witnessed and having one or both parents that are narcissistic can set a child up to become the same way. A product of their environment.

Having emotionally unavailable parents. I went through this as a child. I was raised by my grandmother, and she did do her best raising me. However, I was a very lonely child and craved attention and affection. I rarely got hugs and my emotional needs were not met. This could cause NPD but it can also cause a child to become very empathetic and in my case, I did not turn into a narc, I became an empath and a people pleaser.

Rejection can be so traumatic for a child that they internalize it and create a narrative within their own minds that they are the best at everything and that they are always right. That when they make a mistake, it is never their fault it is always someone else's fault because they caused them to make the mistake in the first place. This is what a seed of rejection can do in a child's life. They form this protective barrier that causes them to not take accountability for their own actions as adults. 

Now, I am no professional and I speak from my own research and experiences. As I mentioned before there are so many factors that could cause someone to development into a narcissist. I would take the information given here and further research for yourself. You cannot defeat something without knowing what it is you're up against. 

The bible says in Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." 

In Matthew 12:29 we read "Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house." 

Be blessed and stay safe.

Paris

Are you dealing with a Narcissist?

 Narcissism is defined as a personality disorder where a person shows excessive interest in oneself or one's physical appearance. But I am here to tell you that this definition doesn't even scratch the surface of what a narcissist really is. You see, when you engage with someone who is a narc, (I may refer to them as "narc"), your whole life will be turned upside down and most times you won't even realize it until you're in too deep. It is more than just a battle between flesh and blood, it is a spiritual battle for your soul.

Ephesians 6:12- "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

I would like to define the different types:

1. Overt: An overt narcissist is very obvious. This type is more so associated with the traditional definition of a narcissist. In fact, the word "Narcissist" derives from a man named Narcissus in Greek mythology. This man got a glimpse of himself in a pool of water and fell in love with his own reflection. He eventually dies of thirst and starvation due to not being able walk away from him own reflection. Overt narcissists are grandiose, attention seeking, and are usually obsessed with power and success. 
2. Covert: A covert narcissist can be very difficult to discern. They may come off as shy and aloof. Charming and humble. But these initial characteristics are manipulation tactics and once they feel like they have you hooked, the mask drops. While the overt narc can be pretty obvious, with this type (covert) you have to be alert and watch for red flags. Because trust me there will be red flags. No one can keep up a facade 24/7. There will be inconsistences between what they say and do. They are usually quick to want to form a relationship with you (this goes for non-romantic relationships as well). They usually say "I love you" first and everything will feel rushed. If you are spiritually sensitive, you will feel "off" around them (for me it was a constant stomachache). The bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 to "be sober and vigilant because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour."
3. Malignant: This type is the most dangerous. They will stop at nothing to get what they want. Including physical violence. While very similar to the overt narc, these people are very vindictive and usually show signs of antisocial personality disorder. They have no conscience. They love to devalue, are sadistic and paranoid.

 A person may have one or a mix of these traits. They may be male or female and can be of any race or class. The purpose of my blog is to shed light on this disorder through my own personal experience. I will be using biblical scripture as a compass on how to navigate through life with a narc. Stay tuned for more and stay safe.

Paris